10) Your baby will be allowed to come when it is ready.
The first thing any birth attendant will do during your first prenatal exam is determine your "due date". They'll consult a chart to calculate the date exactly 40 weeks after the first day of your last menstrual period. That date goes into your chart as your EDD (estimated day of delivery). This wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that: 1) due dates are frequently inaccurate and 2) that date then becomes a cornerstone of your care. If you go into labor anytime before 37 weeks, you won't be allowed to birth at home and will likely be encouraged to take drugs to stop your labor or hasten your baby's development. If you go anywhere from 1-3 weeks past your EDD, you won't be allowed to birth at home and will be encouraged to take drugs to start your labor.
The medical world expects babies to conform to the calendar but many healthy babies don't. First time mothers especially tend to gestate longer than 40 weeks. The idea that you might go "too long", be risked out and not pay them their entire fee causes many midwives to suggest "natural induction methods" such as castor oil or a cohosh blend as soon as your due date arrives. This pressure to hurry things along is not only mentally stressful on the mother, but the induction methods can cause physical harm to mother and child as well.
Side-effects of herbs commonly used by midwives
9) Personal Privacy
One of the most demoralizing dynamics of medical care is the fact that another adult is checking up on you; asking personal questions about your diet, exercise routines, personal habits, even the state of your relationships. They expect you to make full and honest disclosures to them and usually don't like being told that it's none of their business, even when it is. This puts a woman in the position of either revealing everything or lying to her practitioner. Neither of these options is likely to make you feel comfortable (unless you're the type who enjoys discussing your hemorrhoids with others).
When you are your own care provider you can look into the health issues that concern you and keep the rest of your private life private.
8) Your partner gets promoted
Hiring a birth professional downplays your partner's role in birthing his child. By letting someone else be "in charge" of the birth he absolves himself of responsibility for the culmination of events he helped to initiate 10 moons ago. Many men welcome this but they pay a high emotional price for it. When a man is his woman's sole support during childbirth he discovers strengths he never knew he had. He discovers a confidence in his ability to care for his family that can last a lifetime.
When a couple calls a midwife or heads for the hospital they affirm the idea that they cannot handle childbirth alone, this is a wise choice when circumstances call for it but the large majority of births are simply not emergency situations. By choosing to face childbirth alone, together, partners assert their faith in each other, strengthening their confidence in themselves and their marriage. Men who insist they could never support their wives alone are missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity to offer their women fundamental emotional intimacy (and what woman doesn't want that?).
7) No fee
This one pretty much speaks for itself. The cost of an 'average' hospital birth is somewhere between $5,000 and $10,000 but is typically covered by insurance. The $2000-$4000+ that a homebirth midwife requires for her services is rarely reimbursed by insurance. You'll end up paying her, not only for the hours she is with you, but also for the time she is on call, waiting for you to go into labor. Women who have to run off to attend births at all hours of the day and night can't hold regular day jobs to pay the bills too.
Besides, aren't there a few baby items you'd rather spend the money on?
6) No internal checks
Once labor commences (or you get close to being "due") most practitioners will want to start checking your cervix for signs of progress. Even those who agree not to will most likely want to just to arrange their calendars, if nothing else. Having an intimate exam from a person you are not typically intimate with can be very disturbing for many women. Most of us accept such things as "just the way birth is" and try to ignore the uncomfortable feelings it brings up; still, it's weird.
During labor, internal checks are often somewhere between rather uncomfortable and extremely painful. They can also be demoralizing when the woman hears that she's not as far along as she thinks she should be. They increase the risk of infection (especially in a hospital setting) and, contrary to popular belief, they aren't terribly useful. Childbirth is such a unique journey that full dilation can take days or minutes and knowing how far along you are doesn't really help anyone determine how much longer it will take before your body will be ready to push.
Relying on internal checks rather than simply waiting for a woman's body to begin expelling the child is a long honored tradition in western birth. It's also one of the most dangerous and least useful ones.
5) Nobody in "looking for trouble" mode
Regardless of how "hands off" your midwife is or how much she believes in birth, they are there to find problems with your birth. Their training has centered around "what can go wrong", your midwife's legal status depends on her avoiding serious complications and they typically have limited faith in a woman's ability to know the difference between normal pain and something is wrong here pain.
Every good scientist knows that the observation of any activity will alter the activity being observed. Having labor observed by a person whose only reason for being there is to step in when trouble arises will modify the birthing energies from, "this is a normal, joyous event" to "this is a very dangerous procedure". The act of calling on a professional asserts a family's belief in childbirth being risky. If you didn't believe it, you wouldn't need them (unless you actually ran into trouble).
4) No "hurry up" factor
Midwives are people with families, lives, schedules and deadlines, just like the rest of us. When they are called to a birth the proverbial clock starts ticking. The mother-to-be knows that these people have other things to attend to and feels a subtle (or not-so-subtle) need to hurry up and birth. This dynamic can come into play before labor begins, during a prolonged labor or even after the baby is born. As much as she might like to, a midwife does not have "all the time in the world" to wait for the birthing to end. While she might not consciously bring this energy to your birth it is almost certain to be experienced in one way or another.
Being rushed through the most important moment of your life is unpleasant at best but some home birth midwives have protocols to follow that state that the clock must be a factor in your birth. If, for instance, the placenta is not expelled in a certain period of time or the pushing stage lasts "too long" many midwives will be forced, by law, to transport you to your nearest hospital. Such pressures can seriously impede an otherwise normal birth.
3) Privacy during birth
Birth is a sexual experience. Most western women won't believe such a claim but it's true. Childbirth stimulates the genitals, hormones and emotions in a very sexual way. Inviting anyone to your birth is a lot like inviting them into your bedroom; very inhibiting. While many women's modesty goes right out the window during birth, their partner's modesty does not. Impulses are checked, spontaneity is lost and the potential of an intimate, erotic birth is gone forever.
Many women report not doing what they wanted to do during birth for fear of someone's disapproval. Even at home with the midwife in the next room, most of us will feel uncomfortable and inhibited during what should be a very intimate and spontaneous event. Sexual play during labor is reported to be a wonderful pain and anxiety reliever, but who wants to let loose when there are virtual strangers observing you?
2) Your baby is handled only by those who love it, no impersonal exams
Birth, even the gentlest, most perfect birth, is a traumatic event for the newborn. Your baby's body is flooded with adrenaline and the stress of changing from a warm water-based environment to a comparatively chilly air-based one is substantial. Newborns need to be cradled skin to skin at their mother's breast as soon as they emerge in order to relax their tiny systems and reassure them that all is well. They need their umbilical lifeline intact until the placenta is delivered or at the very least until it stops pulsing and supplying them with oxygen and blood.
Midwives are trained to detect problems in newborns. They will examine your baby and determine his/her level of health. For many parents, this is the very reason they want a midwife in the first place, to determine the health of the newborn. However, newborn exams are stressful events. Being poked and prodded, dropped and encouraged to cry will re-trigger the adrenaline and teach your baby that the world is a scary place. It may not seem like a big deal to you but first impressions really do last a lifetime according to a growing number of experts. If your child has a health problem you will notice it. Without a newborn exam parents can rely on the knowledge that; it's not a problem, unless it's a problem. Assume that your newborn baby is in perfect health unless you see evidence to the contrary. You don't need a midwife to know if your baby is alert and well formed. Discovering those things for yourself is far more enjoyable for you, your partner and, especially, for your newborn.
Newborn exam guidelines (for those who want to check things out for themselves)
1) You're the expert on your body, your baby and your birth.
Hiring a midwife is an act that assumes that there is someone outside of yourself better educated and equipped to handle this birth than you are. The truth is, women are made to give birth. It is in our genetic code and our souls. Accepting full responsibility for your birth is awesome and empowering. It teaches you that YOU are the expert and forces you to develop skills and knowledge that you could never achieve in any other way.
Communicating with your baby before it is born can give you a peace of mind that relying on a midwife never will. By accepting our power we accept ourselves and build confidence in our intuition and perfection.
Birthing a child without a professional attendant grants us a kind of spiritual autonomy that cannot be found in any other way. It enhances our experience of the Goddess within. No midwife can give you that; you have to take it for yourself.
