Friday night

I accomplished my goal of cleaning my kitchen. It was a disaster. I puttered around and went to bed about 1:00 am, and didn't sleep. John came home at 3:00 and at that time I was having a lot of discomfort in my rib area, and I couldn't get comfy. Finally I went to the couch and fell asleep from about 3:30-5:30 am. Sometime during that time I started having contractions in my sleep. I know I was taking big deep breaths, and I kept saying "oooopen" in my head. I got up and started "getting ready". I made laborade, finished laundry, put makeup on...(I know, I know, but I like to look pretty for my babies).

I called my father-in-law at about 7:30 and asked him to bring some bread, as I wanted toast, and to come help John give me a blessing, then I called my parents and told my mom that if she could maintain control I wanted her to be here. For my family this was the first they had heard of our UC plans!

Since I got up the contractions were about 5-7 minutes apart, but only lasting about 40 seconds. The in-laws arrived, and I woke John up. They made me toast, gave me my blessing- which was perfect, it was as if I was telling the lord exactly what I wanted him to tell me!! John was given a father's blessing by his dad. That was great too! During this time the ctx were getting a little too much for me to handle with all of the company, so I sent everyone on their way. I sent Jack along with them, which was totally not my plan; but in hindsight I feel like I was able to really let myself go, without worrying about protecting him from the intensity of the experience. The contractions stayed about 4-5 minutes apart for a while, got longer, and I had to pee after every single one!! I spent a lot of contractions on the loo, which was quite comfortable. A really neat thing that was happening, is that as I was praying and doing my affirmations during the more intense contractions-if I would smile it would feel better-- like I was just smiling the adversary right out of my house! The actual uncomfy part of each contraction was so nominal, and the pleasurable rush after each one was incredible!

At around 10:00 I took some motherwort to take some edge off, because I was really tired. So for a while I laid in the nest I made myself in the living room, where I was certain I would birth. And I slept between contractions. John set up the video camera. I was having some discomfort in my hips, and lower back, and it was beginning to be difficult to find a comfy position. At 12:00 my mom called to tell me she would be at my house at about 2:30, and if I thought it was close to call her on her cell phone. I said, "no way", since she was going to get a haircut, "you're not coming over here with your hair half done". I told her just to come when she was finished. After we hung up I looked at John and said "she's not gonna' make it."

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I think right around here I started losing sight of my objective, so I went to take a shower to help myself regroup. Boy, did that feel good. It was then that I remembered someone's advice to "ride the waves". I think I was going to try to stay in the shower forever, but then the water started being temperamental. And there is nothing quite like trying to "ride a warm wave" thru a contraction, when it suddenly turns frigid. So I got out. My contractions had gotten noticeably stronger and closer together, I imagine about every two minutes. John had been wonderful thus far, talking little, responding rapidly to my monosyllabic requests, and just being beside me. At one point he looked at his watch and said, "It's only been five minutes since the last time (that he looked at his watch)". He responded to my mortified look by saying that he was just joking, it had been about half an hour. I had really feared that labor would seem eternal, but there were several times when I remember thinking how quickly time was passing.

The last four contractions that I had in the living room I would deem out of control. I used the F* word twice, and tried to bite my husband twice. I got up and walked down the hall, into Jack's room and did a lap around there. I was feeling very discouraged at this point and started wanting relief from discomfort, but I knew that it was too late, I voiced these things to John, and he just kissed me and patted my hair. My water still hadn't broken and I was wondering how much longer it would last. I got on Jack's bed and had a really big contraction there, when it was done John asked if I wanted to go back to the living room, I just said "NO, staying". I began to get myself to my knees for the next contraction, and after it was done I reached in to feel for baby's head, as I was starting to feel like bearing down. When I felt her head it was exactly where it was the first time I checked- earlier in the a.m. That was probably my lowest low. The next contraction I had my right hand cupping my perineum, hoping to feel the baby descend-- ANYTHING. I felt my body pushing and wanted to try and stop it. I kept my hand where it was and with the next contraction my water broke. I said to John "water broke, baby's coming, what color". He told me it was clear and I really let go then. It started feeling so good. I stood up in the corner of Jack's bed with one hand on each wall. I was moaning and calling for the baby. I felt like I was yelling, but my mom drove up right about this time and she told me later that it didn't sound much different than someone moaning over a bellyache. She couldn't believe how calm I was. She came into Jack's room and asked something about where we were. I just said "baby's coming". I still had my hand on my perineum and noticed feeling what felt like a cluster of grapes, I asked her if she saw my hemorrhoids and if they needed their own zip code!! Always a comedienne. (I never did end up w/hemorrhoids, so I have no idea what that was all about!) At that time I remembered my crock full of warm oil compresses and told her to bring me a cloth--- I applied it & it felt SOOOO good. At the same time I felt the baby's head and wondered if I was going to cook her brain. Mom says I continued to call to the baby, "come on Daphne, come on baby girl". She thought, "Amanda is such a wussy, how is she doing this???" Next I said, "ohhhh, ring of fire, here comes her head" and I remember my mom saying "oh my god, her head!!" I was beginning to ease myself to my knees so that I could more easily catch her, but her shoulders & body came just before I got to my knees. John guided her to the bed.

From the time my mom got into the room, to the time Daphne came was about four minutes, if not less. I turned to look at her and she was already turning pink and trying to breathe. John was asking what to do--- we hadn't gone over the game plan for a baby that was just fine!! He helped me to sit and I got her in my arms. She was wide-awake, spit out a little amniotic fluid and was then breathing on her own. Of course all of our towels, blankets, supplies, etc- were in the living room. Over the course of the next few minutes I imagine it looked pretty silly my mom and John running back and forth, grabbing stuff for me.... There is no description for how awesome I felt after that baby came!! I could have run a marathon! John just looked at me and said, "you didn't even break a sweat". I held Daphne in my lap for quite a while. I really wanted to nurse her, but her cord was quite short, so we decided to cut it. She had long been breathing on her own. I tried to nurse her but she was not very interested and I was having a hard time holding onto her with some of the contractions I was having. My dad and sister arrived and I sent the baby with them while I had John and my mom help me to my knees, because with every contraction I was sure the placenta was coming. After a few minutes my dad came back and said she was trying to eat her blanket, so I finally nursed her.

Still no placenta, and the contractions had diminished to all but menstrual cramps. By about 5:00 my dad was getting weird because I still hadn't delivered the placenta, so we sent him home. He said that three hours was "several" as the books said. After he left I took a shower, hoping that it would speed things up as it did before. No such luck. By now I was starting to feel pretty yucky. I looked pale, and was feeling slightly shocky. I wanted the baby to nurse again before I even considered doing anything. She did and still no placenta. By then I didn't even have the strength or muscle coordination down there to try and push. So I consented to leaving.

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We arrived at the E.R. where John is the police officer on duty a couple nights a week at about 8:30, and were let in by a friend of his who is an OB air-med flight nurse. She knew our plan, and became my bodyguard once we got there. She escorted us to labor and delivery the back way, right to a room, she took care of all of the checking me in, etc.

Before my pants were even off a very nice, young, female doc was in there. They tried some light traction to get the placenta out, but I was just too tense, scared, shaking, and generally noncompliant. I was beginning to feel really agitated about it being there, I can't even explain how- but I really wanted it out. I decided that I would rather take something to help me relax than Pitocin. They gave me a something mild that I can't spell and can only mispronounce and was told that the max it would stay in my system was 2 hours. Whatever, but it worked and two pushes later I felt like a million bucks once that placenta was out.

It was very small, but intact and I was happy to have seen it. I never did see Jack's, so I had originally planned on keeping Daphne's, but after having it for so long, I think I was kind of mad at it, so we didn't take it home. And I feel totally OK about it! Weird.

Anyway, the Dr. told me that I did have a 2nd degree tear to the right of my former episiotomy site and I realized that much of the blood I had been losing was probably from that... I was pretty disappointed. I decided that I would go ahead and get stitched. Another disappointment, but I realized that I had accomplished the most important part MY way. My baby was born in the manner I had hoped and prayed for. We were at a hospital and no one even cared about her!! She never left her my side when I was getting worked on. I never really did work hard on affirmations for afterbirth, etc.... I kind of feel like that tear was sufficient enough to need stitches, and that's why my placenta didn't come. If it had I'd never have gone in. Who knows? I did ask for her to be weighed and had someone listen to her heart and lungs. We were home before 10:00 p.m.

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Monday I looked at myself in the mirror, expecting some more lines on my face, maybe a gray hair. I have heard people say that they have felt their lifespan decreasing during childbirth. But I felt and feel amazing, and I actually think some of the lines I had might have disappeared! I still can't believe that I accomplished all that I did. I am so proud of myself. I am so proud of the start I gave my daughter. One of my big issues that makes me so pro UC is that my generation has made virtually no progress in the way we have our babies, compared to the way our mothers had theirs. BUT I DID. I EVOLVED. And I pray that my daughters will do so as well.

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