When I first heard about homebirth I felt like someone had handed me a very warm fuzzy blanket. It felt so right. I read as much as I could get my hands on about stats and safety. I needed to convince my darling DH (an RN) that this is what I needed for me to be complete with this pregnancy and I needed him to be a part of it. That was my biggest hurdle. It took me 6 of the 9 months to even get him to a place where he would be willing to try. He has become my hero because with all his medical training, this was against everything he was trained to do.
It was on a Tuesday night and I was surfing the net. I had just figured out that I was not feeling all that well from the hot dog I had eaten earlier. I was very gassy and uncomfortable so I took a couple of Tums and went to bed.
Around midnight I heard my ds (5yo) getting sick (he had also had some hot dogs from the same package) I was getting up to try and get him cleaned up when I felt the first contraction. I had to bend over the bed and concentrate it took me by such a surprise. My dd (11yo) asked me if I was OK and I told her it was a contraction so she helped me get everything cleaned up, because they were coming quite close together. I had been having prodromal labor off and on for days, so she was getting pretty used to me contracting.
Bill works 2nd shift and I was just getting ready to call his work to make sure he had started for home when he walked in the door. I was pacing and sitting on the birthing ball in the living room and I told him they were "real" this time. I had to concentrate through them from the very beginning. I was so full of energy. I kept trying different positions trying to find a comfortable one while Bill started filling the pool. He also started calling the people we were having with us. My mother, who was here to support my dd and had been at every one of my births, My SIL, who was here for my ds but not sure she would be able to stay. My brother, who was here as a “doula” for my DH and been at all but one of my births, and our dear friend Chuckie who wanted to see the miracle of a baby being born. It felt like time was standing still yet moving very quickly and I was becoming very zoned out. I had wanted to labor on our deck under the stars, but it was summer time and the mosquitoes were out so we had a screened tent over the pool. We had just filled it part way the day before so that it wouldn’t take to long to fill, but the temperature had dropped to 63 degrees that night so the water had cooled a lot and Bill was not using straight hot water so it was still too cool. I was getting very frustrated because I wanted to get in the pool and it seemed to be taking sooo long. Then he started to drain it because it was still to cool and I told him just start putting straight hot in cause I wanted in it NOW! He went down and turned up our water heater so it wouldn't run out of hot water. Getting in the pool felt really good. Up until then I wasn't really feeling the contractions until they were peaking and I was feeling like I wasn't able to ride the waves. But once I got in they smoothed out and I could visualize riding them out. I was also moaning low because it felt really good. I had never felt comfortable vocalizing while in labor before. I had tried to warn my dd and ds about the noises but it unnerved them anyway. I was very glad I had the support I did because I didn’t know until the next day that my dd had been very edgy about the noise I was making. I was so into myself I didn’t see it. If I had I don’t think I could have been so in tune with my body.
About 1 or so I was finally settled in the pool as it had warmed up enough for me to stay in there and I remember everyone being around me at different times but it was more like a vagueness it was all blurred together. I remember snippets of conversations going on around me. When my SIL arrived and joined us on the deck someone opened the back door and she commented on the squeak. Up until that point it hadn’t been bothering me because the door had squeaked since we had it installed. So of course it started to distract me. My darling DH quickly found the WD-40 and took care of the squeak. It ended up being a cool night outside. Here I figured being pregnant in the summer especially Aug. in Iowa it would be a heat wave. But nope it was a cool 63 degrees Bill later told me. My time frame is very fuzzy from this point on because I was told I spent 3 hours in the pool but it didn't feel like it. I was just riding the waves and moaning through them one by one. I joined in some of the conversation as it came through to me.
I remember quipping at one time because it was so cool out, there was condensation on the roof of the tent, how it was going to rain on my parade and everyone laughing at me. The most comfortable position for me was on my hands and knees rocking through the waves. After each wave I went to the side of the pool and laid my face on the towel they put there and slept a little or again joined in conversation as it came through. My mom kept telling me how great I was doing (isn't she the greatest?) and asking me once in a while if I needed anything. Bill kept bustling about fussing with the pool and the hose trying to make sure it was warm enough for me, other than that everyone pretty much left me alone to do my thing. I did ask Bill to turn off the water and come sit with me. I remember looking deep into his eyes near the end of my time in the pool to get me through. The waves were starting to change. I was feeling trembly and was shaking a little. I remember clearly thinking, “I am in transition” and being floored by the thought. It seemed like it had happened to fast. I wasn't sure what to do next. I turned over and sat down through a few more waves but that didn't feel quite right either. So I got out to go to the bathroom and figured out I wasn't going to birth in the pool. I needed to be on dry land. It felt good to sit on the toilet and PUSH! Which I looked at Bill and said it surely couldn't be time for that already!! He laughed at me and said why not? I had tried to see if I could feel the babies head after a couple of pushes but couldn't so Bill checked me. He then said to me you sure feel like it is time. He said he didn't think I was completely effaced out yet but I was for sure dilated. I remember being awestruck! I had made it to the pushing stage. I told him I needed a dry shirt and he wanted me out of the bathroom. This became our only conflict during the entire time. It felt so good for me to be there to push but it was a very small half bath that there was barely room for one person let alone 2. So I had everyone on a search for all the pillows and blankets in the house so I could be comfortable in the living room. I had to keep going back to the bathroom to push a few times then back in the living room to try and find a good position to be in.
I was starting to get scared at this point. I had not had any bloody show, I had been pushing for some time (they told me later it had only really been about a half an hour or so) and wasn't feeling the baby come down and my water hadn't broken yet. I felt if my water would break then it would happen very fast. That’s when I realized then I was holding on to the baby a little. I could almost feel a "wall" that I was trying to push her through. I needed to "break" through that wall some how. I figured out that wall was my last bit of fear. I had been thinking of calling it quits and transferring to the hospital because I was not having any show. None. As far as I could tell I hadn’t lost my plug yet. Another thing was my contractions had spaced out some. They were still really intense but I could actually rest between them. But I knew if I did transfer I was going to deliver in the car or in the ER because I would have never made it to L & D.
Once I acknowledged what I was thinking/feeling I felt her move down with the next push and my water broke. My ds and our good friend were lying on the floor just a few feet in front of me, so when my water broke they both jumped because it sprayed right at them. Things went so fast after that. I was bearing down because that was all I could do and I felt her coming down. Bill was trying to support my perineum and catch all at the same time. Poor guy, I started to get grouchy with him because he was cupping my perineum and his long fingers kept rubbing against my clitoris. It was not a comfortable sensation and he wasn’t aware he was doing it. We were in tune enough with each other that he did shift his hands though.
My mom was telling me to breath because she was afraid I was holding my breath but I was trying to control the push, it happened so fast. From the breaking of my water to having baby in hands was about ten minutes. My dh checked the time “just in case”. Of what I’m not sure , but there was barely time for Bill to check for the cord before she slid right into his hands. It was over her shoulder. Bill asked me what I had because I had asked that no one tell me what it was, I wanted to see for myself, and I actually forgot to look. Just didn’t care about it at that point. He was afraid some one would say something so he asked me to remind me. It was a GIRL! All this time I had been thinking I had another boy, so I kept asking everybody if it really was a girl. They kept laughing and telling me yes, it really was a girl.
She started to pink up a little bit but she seemed to be a little congested so I turned her over and started rubbing her back a little bit. Some more fluids drained out then she started pinking up more and more. I felt the cord for the pulsing and thought WOW! This is the thing that kept her alive. The kids came over to feel the cord pulsing and so did our family friend. Bill was trying to clean me off because his fear was that I would hemorrhage so he was trying to keep track of my blood loss, but Moira had a BM as she was delivered so we were both a mess! Bill did start to freak just a little because he thought I was losing too much blood. He covered it well because I didn’t pick up on it. Or maybe I was just too much into my baby high to care! All was well though I felt fine the whole time.
We kept checking the cord for the pulsing and it was amazing at how fast the placenta delivered after the cord stopped pulsing. The placenta delivered so quickly we didn't have a bowl ready and right on the chux it came. It surprised Bill and I both on how fast it came. So we tied off the cord with the cord tie dd wove and had the kids cut the cord. Moira was crying the whole time. She wanted to tell us she was not happy. Once the cord was cut she quieted down quite a bit because I was able to just hold her. Her cord seemed to be a short one because I was only able to put her on my stomach before I could feel it tugging.
When my son was born, in the hospital, they laid him on my stomach and I looked at him and said two things. 1) He looks like a Gast and 2) clean him up. I was afraid I would be like that when she was born. It was incredible; the thought never even entered my mind. I was kissing on her and just smelling this wonderfully rich deep earthy smell. It felt so primal. I wanted to live in that moment for a long time. I didn’t even bathe her with any soap for three days to keep the smell. Just wiped her down. Her skin was peeling so I wanted to keep from drying it out more anyway.
It was the most incredible moment of my life. I did it! We did it! There is no way to put into words what I still feel. The closest is euphoria. I look at her and just go- wow. What a piece of work. This incredible little being is here. I feel very much alive and a part of life by this experience. I will never make any plans to have any more children in the hospital. I have given birth to 4 babies and this was the best by far. It almost feels like a rebirth of myself. So Moira and I are on a journey now. Thanks for sharing it with us.
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