Sü's Birth of Heaven

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I'd like to get into the energetics of JJ's birth first, my 3 year-old son.

I had a midwife, my water had been broken for 7 days and I finally started having contractions when I asked my (now ex) husband to come upstairs to our room and connect with the baby and I in a spiritual space. He started rubbing my belly and the contractions started for the first time right then. There were lots of people in the house, folks I hadn't known for very long. I also didn't know how to voice what my needs were, for fear of being selfish. Well, once things started rolling and the midwife arrived I was very dehydrated. She never knew. I was having intense pain that I now know was from lack of fluid. It felt like JJ was scraping against me like dry, cutting sandpaper. She was also doing lots of cervical checks and looking at her watch and whatnot...this is what midwives do. It's kind of a way to cover their butts legally.

Sooo...I wasn't dilating, and my contractions were kind of slow (7 min. apart, I think), for about 22 hours. I would take little naps in between ctx every now and then. Finally, by the end of that stretch, the midwife suggested we transport to the hospital. This is the first time I ever saw my ex-husband cry. So we transferred. Then, I labored for another 8 hours on Pitocin, and ended up with a C-section.

SO...9 months ago I got pregnant and ended up choosing to give the baby up for adoption to my brother and his wife. They had been trying to have a baby for 7 years! I went through a struggle before I came to that decision. Had a lot of emotional issues with the baby's alcoholic father, and at one point even thought about abortion. So the father agreed to adopt the child out, Thank Jah.

I figured that since the adoptive parents were taking care of the medical expenses and all that I would just have a hospital birth...hehehehe. Until I met my dear sweet sistar Ocean Song :). She asked me if I was going to try birthing at home again and I said I couldn't afford a midwife. She told me, "But you don't need one sweetie!" lol. I was like, "You don't????" hehehe. At first I was reluctant and she just let me be, but I really started to think about it and felt it in my heart! Because at first I thought there was no way and then it was like Jah provided a way for me to do it...even better than I had imagined.

I learned a lot with JJ's birth, and through this pregnancy, things were even clearer; how much control we women have over our bodies that doctors take away from us. With JJ's birth, before my contractions slowed down and transport was suggested, I remember a point where I said to myself that I was tired of this and didn't want to have any more ctx...then, right after that, they slowed. OK...so I waited for Ocean to offer to help with my birth and she did. I was soo soo happy. I felt that I couldn't do it without her, particularly because I don't have a partner. She mentioned, "What better way to clear Jasper's birthing energy" (he was present during this birth). She's really into mamas birthing without depending on anyone to tell them what to do (i.e.: midwife) because it can hinder things a great deal.

Thursday evening: I'm chatting with a friend online, I had just moved into my new place so my 'puter is on a little table and the keyboard and mouse are on the floor. I popped back in the room to reply, squatted and felt a weird feeling...got up then went to the kitchen to make some dessert for JJ's daddy, JJ and I. I squat down to get some strawberries out of the fridge and felt something like I peed, hehe, my water had broken. So I'm like, "OK, my water's broken", signed off and continued making dessert. This was about 7:30 pm. We eat some strawberry shortcake; I do the dishes and call Ocean, who lives 2 hours away, lol. I'm having Braxton-Hicks contractions the whole time of dessert, and when I talk to Ocean and tell her what's going on I'm like, "Well, I have to go to the house and pick up some things, I'll call you when I get there." She's like, "Oh-Kaaaay"...hehe. Keep in mind my water was broken for 7 days with JJ.

So my ex-husband's like, "Hey, let's pick up my truck at the garage." He just got a new used car to drive around when his truck goes out, hehe. So I'm like, "OK". :) We get going and I'm having stronger and stronger ctx... Get to the garage and I'm like, I think I can do this. So I get in his car, which has a manual transmission. We get going, (Thank Jah we live in the country), I'm havin' ctx about maybe 4-5 min. apart, while I'm drivin'. JJ's talkin' to me and I can't even speak to answer him while the ctx are happening. I maybe had 4 or 5 ctx during the drive. So, we get to the house and I call Ocean, " I'm in labor sis!"...hehe. Then we gather up some towels and extra dishes for the apt. I'm still havin' strong ctx. My ex's energy isn't really focused on birthing, he's feedin' the cats and whatnot. So, I call my boss who offered to help if I needed anything (she runs a health food store and has had 3 C-sections!). I asked her if she could meet me at the apt.

So, we leave and I ask to stop at Pamida (our country version of K-mart, lol). I need to buy an extra sheet and a mattress cover. So, I have ctx all the way to Pamida and have a really strong one with the door open in his truck. I get out, walk to the store and barely get to the first rack I see to hold on to as the next one is starting. I get to the linen aisle, grab what I need and start having a ctx at the register. It's 9:00pm, closing time. My ex carries JJ out to the truck and I follow, and another starts as I get in the truck. We get to the apt. and my boss, Dianne, runs out with her daughter. They follow us to the door and she asks my ex-husband how far apart they are. He says 3 min. and she's like, "OMG! Sü, are you sure you want to do this??" I'm like, "Yeah!!!"

Once we get inside she asks if I would like Brenna, our other coworker, to be present because she has attended a birth. I said yes, so Brenna gets there quickly. I go into the bathroom, light some candles, shut the door and turn the water on for a shower. I have really, really strong water pressure for the shower in this bldg. and it was totally such a blessing at that moment. It drowned out the noise of everything else. I have a few ctx while I'm showering, then get out, open the door and ask Dianne to talk with me. I ask her to turn the lights off and light more candles. Then I ask for quiet, to mellow the energies, go into my room and get down on my hands and knees because it feels like the most comfortable position. I stay there for a while then ask for pillows and anything we could find for me to rest my front on. I continue to have ctx at 3 min. apart. I think that I held on a bit waiting for Ocean to get here. I really wanted her present. I remember feeling the need for someone to just touch me. Right then Ocean got there, settled in and put her hand on my lower back. As soon as she did that it was almost magical, the back pain was so much less... It was about 10:45 at that point. Ocean asked for all the watches to be put away (keep in mind there's still fear that my body actually works right, lol).

After a while, we are alone in the room. She doesn't suggest anything, just keeps her hand on my back through ctx and I move the way I feel I need to. At one point I lay on my back, just to rest for a bit, then I moved to the windowsill at the edge of the bed. The bed is on the floor so I feel really grounded at that point. I labor some more and get the pillows and stuff underneath me again for in between ctx. Pretty soon after that I start feeling the *urge* to push. We call my brother and sister-in-law (after digging around for their number) but they were out at the time. So I start pushing and having a couple ctx in between. When the ctx stopped and it was just pushing I was like, "Ahhhhh...", I had no idea that the pushing was the *easy part*!!!! The baby crowned quite a bit, and then went back in. Ocean reassured me that it was OK; the baby was just stretching me out. The head came back out again and the baby let out a little squeak. She was there for a second just like that and I was like *wow*! Then pushed her out all the way. OMG...it was soo amazing to feel that, knowing that my body works fine, and to feel a baby come out of me~

We immediately moved her to my belly. I lay down and she starts getting all acquainted with breathing on her own, looking up at me in amazement! My brother calls, asking if it's a girl or a boy and I didn't know! I didn't want to disturb the baby at that point, just coming out of the womb and all so we tell them to wait a bit. I start to nurse her but she wants to look at everything! JJ just immediately wanted to nurse when he was born. After a while, I check and discover she is a girl, Hooray!! We lie together for maybe a half hour. I forget how long it took for me to feel the urge to push the placenta out, but it came out all healthy in one piece, not rushed. Then we rested together for maybe another 1/2 hour before the cord was cut. The placenta was carried off and part of it cut off to make an essence with (similar to a Bach flower essence), the rest went in the freezer.

After that, she and I took an herb bath with all kinds of wonderful stuff; chamomile and uva ursi, shepherd's purse and comfrey... The baby just looked in amazement at the candle making a shadow on the wall and at me. When we got back to bed, my sister-in-law called back (still driving, they live 4 hours from me). I told her she had a girl and my heart about exploded with joy when she announced her name, Heaven Leigh! When I had an Akashic reading not too long ago the guy said that this baby was *one of the starchildren*. At that moment, when she told me her name, I was soo soo filled with the most joy I could ever experience!!! I feel so thankful and so blessed to be able to gift my brother and sister-in-law with a sweet little one. Also, to have had a birth at home with no one poking at me, telling me I'm not dilated or what to do! I couldn't imagine someone telling me when to push. She was born at 1am so I only had about a 6 hour labor! Heck, two hours of it I was putzing around in the store and such, lol. So that's that.

There is something else that I'm kind of reluctant to add but I do feel it needs to be said. When she came out, her little fist and arm were up against her cheek, so I tore a bit. The next day I realized it. Sooo..that morning Ocean checked it to see how bad it was because I started to worry. We weren't sure so I decided to go to the hospital...ugh. We waited in the ER waiting room all day long. When the Doc got to checking me, he was like, "You mean you aren't on any painkillers, not even aspirin?" I'm like noooo....he looked at me like I was a nut! LOL. So when I got checked I think they thought I was a masochist or something! It just confirms my belief in how unconnected conventional medicine is. I started screaming, I mean I just had given birth and I didn't scream like that. Finally I was like PLEASE STOP! and he did. They knew my whole history and everything about JJ and this present birth. The nurse was like, "Oh Hon, everyone is going to give you all kinds of information", (like friends of mine) "and trust me, they're all WRONG." I was about to strangle her! The Doc said that he would want to give me stitches but my regular OB (who was on vacation that weekend) probably wouldn't. So I was like, "I'm outta' here"...but, I'm all shakin' and cryin' and feeling so much pain after he was messin' with me and weak from sitting in the waiting room all day. Then the nurse and Doc just walk away and I'm there all alone tryin' to make sure I don't fall over as I get dressed!

Wait...there's more! LOL! JJ and Ocean's son Jack were playing in the waiting room while we were there... They end up coming down with this thing called the Rotovirus...puking for two days. I hear the diarrhea can last for up to a week... ugh... I was pretty worried about the little guy until I heard that another sis took her kid to the hospital for some ailment and the kid ended coming back with this Rotovirus from going to the hospital. At least I know where he got it and it solidifies the fact that I'm never steppin' into another hospital again! It is scary, JJ was pukin' every 20 min all night long two nights running, .it scared me at first. He's NEVER been THAT sick. Anyways, I guess they get this bug really, really quick and it just whomps 'em. It mostly affects the little ones, adults rarely get it.

Anyway, even without the stitches I healed up just fine within a couple weeks. A number of women I asked said their stitched tears were worse than their unstitched ones. Now, I'm glad I chose not to get them after all.

Soooo...Jah has blessed me with some very, very important lessons and growth and healing! I love you all my blessed starfamily!

Hugs, Light, Love and Awakening!

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