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Talia's birth of Grace
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My story of the birth really begins on the morning of my blessingway; a beautifully sunny fall Sunday. I awoke early, very excited for the gathering of women. I had been feeling my body moving into the last month of an already challenging pregnancy and really looked forward to sacred circle connecting around me.
I got out of bed and continued with the housecleaning we had begun the day before. Before taking a shower, I climbed into bed with Hanu to snuggle. We had a great morning - were feeling very close and connected.
While I was in the shower the phone rang. It was Will, Ember's partner, telling me she was having the baby, and could I come be with her. Ember was in my prenatal yoga class and her due date was two days before mine. She had been having signs of preterm labor for a month so it wasn't too surprising. I had told her if her doula was out of town and her labor began to call me; I would be her back up doula. Her sounds were loud and intense in the background.
I was torn, but only for a moment....I needed to be at my blessingway today. I offered to try to find them another doula and hung up to call Garnett, who miraculously answered her car phone and agreed to leave immediately. I hung up, feeling the perfection and Mother's infinite sense of humorous timing. Ember giving birth on my blessing day felt very sacred. I remembered that during Zack's blessingway, my friend Jeri had been giving birth to Morgan. The energy of birth was in the air.
As the day moved on I realized I had definitely made the right decision, as my pelvis was in a lot of pain; I was moving around very slow, and my energy level was not very high. The intensity of supporting someone at a birth was probably more than I was up for at that point anyway.
Soon enough, Garnett called to tell me she was at the hospital and Ember's baby boy had just been born before she walked in. All was well.
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Women began to arrive and we had the most beautiful day. The food brought was excellent and I could feel the love in it. Our circle at the river was powerful and nurturing.
Sarmini and Karpani braided my hair, my midwives, Lily and Reddi, washed my feet in flower petals, and then Corrinna and Christine, both pregnant themselves, rubbed cornmeal into them. Many wonderful verbal blessings were given as well as sacred items for the birthing altar. Lily really honored Reddi and their new partnership as midwives that would begin with my birth.
I felt so grateful to have so many incredible women, new mothers and babies in my life. We ate lots of cake and opened wonderful presents; herbals and soft organic blankets, towels, and diapers. I felt really honored. We took belly pics of me, Corrinna and Christine; mine covered in the intricate henna design Hanu had done the night before.
When it was all over, Mama Palazzo stayed for dinner and cleaned the entire mess from the gathering, inside and out. Hanu and I were so grateful to her. My birthing altar had been put together on the little table in our living room and it was so amazing! I said before bed that I almost wished I could give birth while all the flowers were still blooming on it. I went to bed early; exhausted and blissed; never imagining what would come next.
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12:30pm
Waking up with water trickling between my legs. Feeling very carefully for signs of anything more...but no, just the trickling. I call Lily who is not convinced yet that it is amniotic fluid and suggests sleep, and we'll see in the morning. We talk about how early it is, and the tricky edge of doing a home birth at only 36 1/2 weeks.
After returning to bed, the trickle of water began to gently gush, and I called Reddi to come over and test it, to see if it was indeed amniotic fluid. As soon as she read the results I could see in her face that it was.
I lay awake a lot of the night...wondering if it was happening, wondering where I could get a birthing tub, (as ours was not due until Wednesday); really not wanting to give up my home water birth. I knew there was a chance she could be born with underdeveloped lungs and we would have to go to the hospital...but I felt like we could take that chance and all would be well.
Water continued to trickle steadily all night, while I felt every cell in my body, awaiting the possibility of contractions, which at least for the night, did not come .
Early in the dawn, I realized I could get a tub from Cecily, Cindy's midwife, in Willits. I drifted off to sleep feeling reassured by my plan, while waiting to call her.
7am
I call Cecily and get directions for Hanu to go pick up the birthing tub. We snuggle, and wonder if we are going to have a baby that day, or soon that week. We both feel good about doing it at home.
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9am ~ Monday morning ~ 10/11/04
I feel cramping, right as Hanu is about to walk out the door to go pick up the tub. After about 8 minutes of what I am now sure are four contractions, I tell Hanu I am in labor and he's not going anywhere. We send our next door neighbor, Kelly, who fortunately is home, into Garberville to pick up a Rubbermaid cattle trough.
A phone call to Lily brings unexpected tears as the quick change and intensity of this sudden labor catches me off guard. I tell her I want to birth at home and she says she is on her way.
We call my husbands mom, Sarmini, and Reddi, and they both head to our home. I move over to the rocking chair and begin to go deep inside to cope with the contractions which are very steady.
I grab the phone and call Ember at the hospital to tell her I am in labor, stopping mid conversation to breathe my way through a contraction. We both can't believe we are having our babies one day apart, almost a month before our due dates. During the rests I am laughing about it, then I am feeling the intensity building, rocking and moaning, feeling our sweet baby girl moving down, pretty much unaware of the goings on around me.
Everyone has gathered and they are busy getting the tub, which Kelly has returned with, cleaned and filled. Sarmini has gone to Legget to get Zack out of school. I feel myself nearing transition. It doesn't seem possible - I know I have not been at this very long. I am talking to our baby, telling her to slow down just a little, come down very gently, give time for the water to fill.
When Lily times the contractions, they have slowed to three minutes and I feel that the baby is listening to me. We are doing this together.
I feel very connected with her and her journey. It is happening so fast!
My son, Zack, comforts me.
11:20am
Lily tells me the tub is filled and that I can get in. I know that I am close to pushing but do not get checked or ask for guidance. I am totally within.
Moving into the tub is intense, putting one leg over the high side. Once I get in, the water soothes, but the pain is even greater having changed positions. Reddi reminds me constantly to keep my noises low, to use the sounds to bring her down.
I get on all fours and begin to roar like a bear to release the energy of each contraction. I am still getting a break in between, which is different from labor with Zack, and I am so grateful. I sway my hips through the water, to help her to fit her way through.
11:45
Quite naturally my growls become pushes. Lily tells Hanu it is time to get in and he does. I begin to feel her head as it lowers and begins to bulge into Hanu's hand.
Several pushes later, maybe seven or so, and I feel her head joyfully release out of me. I feel powerful and don't want to stop, knowing it will soon be over and I will meet our baby girl, but I must blow through a contraction while Lily checks for a cord and finds one wrapped around her neck. Gently she releases it and I give two more bear pushes and feel her body flow out into her daddy's hands.
12:05 pm
Welcome to earth, sweet baby girl
6 lbs 6.4 oz
12:15pm
We only got a few minutes in the water with our sweet baby girl, Hanu's arms wrapped around me as we welcomed her to this world.. She was so beautiful, so tiny and precious. But as predicted was possible, our baby girl's lungs were not quite developed enough and she needed a little work. Lily took her from us and began to work some life into her. While I delivered the big healthy placenta (giving us no clues as to baby's early arrival), our baby remained a bit floppy and Lily made the call that we needed to head to the hospital.
It was a wild ride one hour north, Lily holding our baby, giving her oxygen, while I tried to remain on this plain, losing blood, whiting out. I kept asking if we had brought the placenta, to take a bite, but we had not. I don't know if I said this aloud or not.
We arrived in Fortuna and Hanu and Lily brought the baby, now called Grace, inside. Reddi worked my uterus, bringing me back to earth, and we joined them inside, me in a wheelchair. I was scared and thought I would have to do Pitocin (which I generally am not at all into) to save my life, but my midwives had Shepard's purse and gave me some.
A wonderful angel nurse made our unexpected trip to the hospital okay. She backed our desire for as little intervention as possible and had me nursing Grace for the first time in the three hours since she was born. She brutally massaged my fundus the way it needed to be done and I began to feel better. We were moved to a sweet little room in Maternity decorated in Classic Pooh, which made us feel welcome, destined in a sort of way, as that had been my blessingway theme. I was grateful for Grace's life and my own.
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They told us that preemies lungs typically take three days to develop and that all they needed was a bit of oxygen and to keep warm. We were pretty much left alone with Grace in our little room. Some of the nurses knew me from births I had attended there and they were very sweet and welcoming. All knew we had done a home birth and no one pushed any weird hospital things on us. We put Grace right into cloth diapers, saying no thank you to their offers of disposables (so we could "save" ours).
We stayed for two nights and watched Grace go from a floppy, grunting, easily overstimulated baby to a strong , snuggly baby with clear lungs and a very lusty cry. At night, Hanu and I took turns snuggling and holding and comforting sweet Grace, while the other tried to get some rest. Hanu got a crash course in diaper changing and was the most beautiful sight to watch as he bonded with his sweet daughter. He took care of both her and I so beautifully. Ember was still there with her baby and we got to connect and meet each other's baby's. Both 3 1/2 weeks early, both weighing 6 lbs 6 oz.
On Wednesday night, after a full day of no extra oxygen, we heard the news we had been waiting for...we were going home. We arrived at our house just before dusk, and Grace opened her eyes to see our river, and the flower garden we had planted for her.
10/13/04
Our first night home with Grace - who fussed and cried all night, surprising big brother Zack with sleep deprivation. We had two whole glorious days, bringing Grace out into the sun, hoping to avoid the jaundice we had been warned about, so common in preemies. But once again, we had to bring her north to the hospital, as Reddi came to check her and felt she was just a bit too yellow. I found myself so emotional and teary at the prospect of yet another hospital stay. The first of many heel pricks told us she was in danger and would need to remain under the bilirubin lights.
This was so hard on us! I could nurse her but besides that she had to remain under the lights, her eyes blinded with a little mask protecting her eyes. We spoke to her, sang to her and soothed her; telling her what was going on. As if she heard us, she calmed and was so amazingly good for two nights and days as the lights broke down her bilirubin and moved it through her system. We stayed up most of the nights, staying connected to her at all times. On the last night, feeling we were at a low enough level, we kept her out more, as she let us know she was done with it. One more hour, bottom light only, no mask, all three of us connected to each other with our eyes. Amazing Grace. You are so strong and brave.
10/15/04 6am
They came for one last heel prick, and we all fell asleep together sitting up in one tiny bed. We slept hard until the doctor came at 8am and told us we could go home. We joyfully and quickly packed up the room and walked out the door to a stormy fall day. It felt so good to be leaving! We were so grateful that these small bumps in the road of Gracie's beginning were ultimately simple, easy to heal things that didn't take much intervention at all, and were never to the point of really being a danger to her. Our baby was healthy and whole and we were going home. We felt very blessed.
9am
Arriving home to a rainy day, first storm of the season, build a fire, very womblike. Waking Zack up by letting Graces tiny feet dance upon his chest, then letting them sleep together while we landed at home again, Hanu cooking us a good breakfast. Afterwards, we all went to bed, and slept peacefully for hours. Snuggling, loving.
10/16/04
Grace's first bath...submerging her into the warm water, washing away all the energy of the hospital and her crazy first week. Rebirthing her back into the water, and then into our arms.
Amazing Grace of God Wildflower - princess of the munchkins
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