The due date was August 23, 2002 and I was five days overdue. I had known from the very beginning that I wanted a homebirth and preferably a waterbirth. My husband, Wes, was NOT a believer those first few months but after a LOT of me following him around reading safety statistics on homebirth and horror stories from hospital births he came around. Ironically, he is now a huge advocate and even "enlightens" his male friends whose wives are pregnant.
Wes was scheduled to start a new job September 3 and I was anxious that he wouldn't have time at home with the baby if she (gender discovered by 1 ultrasound at 15 weeks) didn't come soon. I wanted no interventions in the birth but my anxiousness got the best of me and when my midwife, Sallie, came for my weekly checkup on the 27th, I took a long walk, made love with Wes (or tried to under the circumstances lol), inserted evening primrose oil to help dilate and took black cohosh and blue cohosh to try and get the ball rolling. Hopefully, with the next babie(s) I will not feel the need to speed things along and I can let nature do her work.
Sallie had a feeling so she and her daughter, Bethlehem, who was more an apprentice at 14, spent the night in a guest bedroom. Because of all the work trying to get labor started, Wes and I didn't get to bed until midnight. Lo and behold, 3 hours later I wake up with contractions! Of course, I am so excited I hop out of bed and wake up Wes. I should have gone back to sleep like everyone says but I've always marched to my own beat, so to speak. We wandered around the house whispering excitedly for the next 3 hours or so and I call my mother and tell her that this is definitely it. I had sworn at least once a week for the past month that "this is it." Sallie and Bethlehem woke around 8 which is when my mom showed up so they all 3 decide to hit some garage sales.
Wes had spent 3 months remodeling our house which he had gutted to the studs and we had only been back in a week and the stove wasn't hooked up so while I sat in the living room breathing through contractions he was under the house hooking up the gas lines!! The contractions were very mild and I was just getting to the point where I had to close my eyes and concentrate on them. Around 10 I hopped into the bath tub to shave my legs and I was fielding phone calls from coworkers and friends (they couldn't believe I was shaving during labor!)
The girls were back and I was having to get on my hands and knees and rock during the contractions with Wes rubbing my lower back. I was also starting to moan at this point but the pain was not in any way intolerable. By 3 I was trying anything to handle the pain and I went through every position imaginable and I remember telling Wes, "Nothing's helping! It hurts and nothing helps!" That's when I decided to get into the birthing pool. Talk about relief! Now I could sit against the side with my arms floating in front of me and close my eyes, relax my muscles, breathe slowly and deeply and lose myself in the sensations I was experiencing. Time started to lose all meaning and I seemed to be in a bubble. If I had to describe this point of labor as a picture, it would be anything by Salvador Dali or M C Escher. Very surreal.
Wes was in the pool with me and mostly left me to myself unless I needed him to rub me or hold me. I stood up to get on the toilet to pee and I heard and felt a loud "POP." Don't ask me why, but I was shocked. I never imagined my water breaking would be so unmistakeable! There was no "trickle." Just a gush of really warm water and I yelled at Sallie, who was in the living room, to come. We had discussed what her role would be and I had decided that I would like her there in the house, but didn't want her hovering around unless I felt l needed her there. From this point on, I wanted her in the room with me most of the time.
Transition hit and I threw up and began to shake. I began to feel out of control at this point and I remember crawling around the pool on my hands and knees trying to "run away" from the pain. I felt herded along a path I had no control over as my body took over this most instinctual of processes and I was just along for the ride. I was not scared by any means and I trusted in my body to perform this miracle just as it was made to do. I asked Wes to call my sister, Tamara, at around 5 to tell her to come and he called my best friend, Melissa, who had agreed to videotape the birth. The worst pain came at around 7 when I felt the urge to push but I felt the need to be checked and I didn't want to change postitions to be checked so I didn't push and it was a vicious circle. That lasted 3 or 4 contractions and then there was no stopping the pushing. Now that I know how unbelievably STRONG that urge is, there is no other force like it on earth, I cannot believe how some doctors, nurses and even midwives tell a woman not to push. That is one of the cruelest things I can imagine.
I began pushing around 7:45 with Wes in the pool with me, Sallie, her midwifery partner Arlene, Bethlehem, my mother, Tamara and Melissa in the bathroom and my father, Wes's father and a few of our friends out in the living room. I started out pushing leaning back on Wes with the rest of me floating in the water and Bethlehem and Arlene helping to support my legs. I was having a little trouble getting her head past the pubic bone so I changed to a squatting position after about 15 minutes. When she had passed the bone I went back to the previous position and my sister held a mirror so Wes and I could watch as she crowned. Pushing was hard and I expected the pain to come from the "ring of fire" but while that did burn, it really hurt getting past that pubic bone. Again, nothing I couldn't tolerate although I do remember a fleeting instance during the pain right before I began pushing when I said aloud "I can't do this" and pictured myself in the hospital with an epidural feeling nothing. Fleeting instance.
Sallie had been doing perineal massage and supporting my perineum with compresses and I very purposefully controlled my pushing at this stage and tried to ease her head out so I wouldn't tear. Her head popped out at 8:26 and the rest of her was born at 8:28 (on 8-28!) Wes was supposed to "catch" her but at the time, it would've required him to DROP me into the water so he wisely chose to help me pull her onto my belly. I still regret that he didn't get to catch her but he says, "I was right where I needed to be."
She was a beautiful pink, very alert and had a lusty cry. She nursed almost immediately and I cried and Wes cried and whispered, "Thank you, Pea." Pea is his nickname for me...short for SweetPea. The cord stopped beating after about 5 minutes and Wes cut the cord. I stood up about 20 minutes later and gave a little push expecting the placenta to slide out like a pancake. I had no idea it would be a big ball that I would really feel coming out. I did sustain a little slice right inside my vagina. Sallie offered to give me a stitch but I opted out and said I would sit with my legs tightly together for a couple of weeks. Sallie said, "You put 2 pieces of perineum in a room and they'll find each other."
The most surprising thing about Emily's birth was the way everything got so distorted. I had no concept of time. For instance, I pushed for 45 minutes but at the time, it felt like 10 or 15. My sister was there 3 hours before Emily was born but at the time, it felt like 30 minutes. Also, the way I completely went inside myself and was in a zone. I truly feel that what your body is doing is so extraordinary and so "huge" that your brain has to block everything out but what your body is doing or you'd go into shock. Sensory overload or something. That's one reason I feel it's so detrimental to go to a hospital where it's a circus.
Emily turned out to be a perfect baby. My sisters tell me I'm not really a mom because I gave birth to a cabbage patch doll. I labored 17 hours on 3 hours sleep which I'd rather not do again because I was so exhausted I couldn't really do much for Emily. My mom would bring her to me to nurse and then take her so I could try and get a couple hours of sleep. All in all, I feel I had a wonderful birth experience and I would do it all exactly the same way (except for the way I tried to start things instead of letting it happen when it's the best time). And maybe next time I may want it to be a more private affair between Wes and me. Nothing is more sacred than bringing a life into this world and more people need to treat it as such instead of a "disease" or "disaster waiting to happen." Respect the mother, respect the baby and respect the process and things will turn out as they should.
